Anyone that knows me personally knows I don’t have a dog, I have a child with four legs and fur. Not only because I’ve raised her like she’s my child, but she genuinely seems to think she’s a human. But life is not the same once you have a dog, it changes completely and you’re never fully prepared for just how much it does.
Privacy is something you no longer have. Literally everything you do will become a joint effort, you want to watch tv, they’ll be there. You want to go to the toilet, they’ll be there.
Clean windows are a thing of the past. Dog nose art is real guys, it’s real. If you dare remove that masterpiece they’re just gonna re-do it there and then.
Food is always magical if it’s from your hand. You could put a bowl of biscuits down and they’ll turn their nose up all day. Pick one of those little biscuits up in your hand and they MUST HAVE IT RIGHT NOW.
Trying to find pictures of something other than your dog is HARD. When you’re trying to show someone a picture but you have to get back to them a week later because it’s lost in-between all the dog pictures you’re not ashamed you take.
Whenever you give someone a lift you give them a heads up that you have a ‘dog car’. Don’t be surprised if you come out sporting dog hairs as your outfit, that’s just the way it is.
Your money priorities change. You question if you really need that bag but won’t hesitate to spend £20 on one single ball for the dog. Because it’s ‘indestructible’ right?
You stop smelling human flatulence. Once you’ve had a dog let off wind around you, nothing, NOTHING, compares.
Everything you own and love will be covered in hair. ‘What are you wearing?’ Oh this? This is just dog.
They are adamant that you must wake up as soon as the sun rises. But then they continue to sleep throughout the rest of the day.
They give you the most unconditional love you’ll ever know. Making all the little flaws worth it.